How I became an ultramarathoner

It took five energy gels, one chindigger with a small knee abraison, thirty-five miles, two pairs of shoes and socks, four pretzel rods, two saltines, five red jolly ranchers, one piece of 60% cacao dark chocolate, three cups of Gatorade (blue), eight electrolyte tablets, two Advil, 7:57:51, one detour, four extra miles, half a PB&J, one Larabar, body glide, one hydration belt with lots of bottle refills, and three pringles for me to become an ultramarathoner!